Eastern Lightning | Confessions of a Happy Model (2)

Confessions of a Happy Model

April 17, 2018

By Ganzhi, the United States

    In the following several months, I spent most of my time listening to God’s words at home, feeling extremely liberated, and my state of mind was renewed. During that period, I thought a lot: My wrong outlook on life not only made me directionless, but it also harmed the relationship between me and my families. I used to talk about everything with my parents and siblings, but later on there was an estrangement between us. When my brother was studying at university, he couldn’t stand the pressure to study and so wanted to drop out. Regardless of his feeling, I told him one time after another, “No good job without good educational background; without a good job, you can’t make good money, let alone get married in the future.” In frustration, he said to me, “Sister, I don’t like my major. I’m not you. So, don’t force your preferences on me. As long as I can live happily even without money, it will be fine.” That was the first time we quarreled. At last, he quitted school. I couldn’t understand him, and he no longer spoke his heart to me. When my mother read God’s words to me, I didn’t want to listen; gradually, we spoke heart to heart with each other less and less. When my father and sister phoned me to show concern for me, I couldn’t feel their concern for me, but always responded with frostiness, only bent on my work. Thinking of this, I felt I had missed so many good days that I should have spent with my families. If only I could go back to the past! I wanted to attend meetings with my mother and especially longed to stay with brothers and sisters. So I dialed my mother’s phone number and told her why and how much I wanted to return before God. She was very excited at my words, and sighed with relief, “I have tried to persuade you for so many years but was in vain. This is really that God is doing His own work, creating this environment to put you out of your misery. It’s true that what is impossible for man is absolutely possible for God. Thanks be to God!” From this moment, the knot between me and my mother was undone. Following that, communicating our knowledge of God’s words became our common topic. Then I asked my mother to help me contact the church near my work. Nevertheless, the Chinese government persecuted the Christians so severely that the environment in all places were extremely adverse. Thus, it was difficult for me to get in touch with the local church.

    I usually had to carry many things required to go to work, so by October, 2012, the heavy backpack had gravely pressed my cervical vertebrae and lumbar vertebrae. One day after the performances, one of my friends asked me, “How come you were lame on the runway?” I knew why, clearly. This situation had already lasted for some time: When I went to bed at night, my right leg and arm were numb, so I couldn’t sleep on my right side. The reminder of my friend gave me the urge to see a doctor. The doctor told me that the nerve compression of my right leg produced adhesion between sinew and muscles; the blood couldn’t run smoothly and the muscles atrophied. So my two legs were not of the same length, and it could only return to normal through therapy. But it was not until I had a therapy that I got to know the fees were quite expensive. Then I remembered the words in the Bible, “For what is a man profited, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul? or what shall a man give in exchange for his soul?” (Matthew 16:26). Right! Since I was sick, I had to spend money to treat it and it may not be cured radically. If I earned money regardless of my health at present, could I spend it alive tomorrow? If my savings all went on my illnesses, then it wouldn’t be long before I became empty-handed, and felt that my effort was not worth the candle. That was really called spending money to buy pains. Having experienced so many things, I had seen clearly: Money can’t buy health, nor spiritual comfort, nor happiness. Only after I have gained the truth will I become freed. Since only reading God’s words alone couldn’t make for quick progression of my life, I need someone who understands the truth to fellowship with me. When I thought of this, I decided to go back home. In January, 2013, I returned to my hometown and joined a local church.

    In February, I returned to Shanghai. I worked and waited for brothers and sisters to contact me. In April, my constitution had declined and my incretion was imbalanced. In consequence, my face was swollen and was covered with poxes overnight. As I sat on the bench of the hospital waiting for my turn to see the doctor, I sought God’s will inward: O God, I still don’t know Your will, but I think it must contain your good intentions within this matter. Whether my face can be cured or not, I’m ready to submit to Your arrangement. Later, the doctor saw me and said, “Judging from your height, you must be a model. To a model, facial part is the most important. So why not come before it becomes so serious? To heal your face, it will take at least half a year or a year if you stop your work, but if you continue your work, then it’s hard to tell.” I thought: Everything is predestined by God; my face will naturally recover when it’s time for it to recover. So I spoke to him, “Let nature take its course.” Seeing that I was so calm, he was completely puzzled …

    I got out of the hospital wearing a gauze mask, but my heart was very calm on my way home. I raised my head and what came into view were blue skies, white clouds, and brilliant sunshine: What a fine day! At this moment, my heart was suddenly enlightened. Then I got through to my mother and said to her excitedly, “Mum, do you still remember the story of Job you told me? After the great trials, he said such words as ‘Naked came I out of my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return thither: the LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD’ (Job 1:21). Now I have some taste of these words.” She said, “What’s happening?” Then after relating the doctor’s words to her, I said, “In the past, I thought that since I was young, as long as I worked hard, I could realize my plan of buying a house, a car and establishing a career in the first-tier city after several years. But now, after my face is spotted with poxes, I understand that whether I can get what I want, it depends not on my own effort, but on God’s sovereignty and blessings. In the beginning, with the favorable condition God has bestowed on me, I could have lived a normal life. But excessive pursuit of money and overwork have caused me to suffer from a series of illnesses. Now although I have to stop working and I even don’t know when I can work again, yet money can no longer take hold of my heart and I’m really relaxed from my heart. I have true goals to pursue. I even don’t expect it when my face can recover; I believe, in that case, it may be a better thing for me. Now, with God to arrange and plan everything for me, I can really take off the mental load off my mind.” My mother said, “Now you know, everything that we have is given by God. It’s good that we can understand God’s kind intentions for us. Don’t complain against God.”

    From then on, I started to correct my inconsistent schedule of living and activities: having three daily meals on a regular basis, keeping early hours, jogging and exercising in the park. Gradually, my life returned to normal. And I never thought that my face could fully recover two months later. This was also the time when brothers and sisters finally contacted me. And then, my church life began. During the meeting, I shared my experience with my brothers and sisters. After they knew my poor condition, a sister and doctor taught me how to nurse my health; sometimes I would have no time to eat the meal after work in order to attend the meeting, they would cook food for me, giving me the family-like warmth. When we fellowshiped about God’s words together, I felt very brightened, and came to know more of God’s work, God’s sovereignty, and God’s salvation for man.

     I saw God’s words say, “The sentence ‘the Son of man is Lord even of the sabbath day’ tells people that God’s everything is immaterial, and although God can provide all of your material needs, once all of your material needs have been met, can the satisfaction from these things replace your pursuit of truth? That is clearly not possible! … I’ll give you an example: When you’re hungry, you need food. This food can be relatively good or relatively lacking, but as long as you have your fill, that unpleasant feeling of being hungry will no longer be there—it will be gone. You can sit there in peace, and your body will be at rest. People’s hunger can be resolved with food, but when you’re following God and feel that you have no understanding of Him, how can you resolve the emptiness in your heart? Can it be resolved with food? Or when you’re following God and don’t understand His will, what can you use to make up for that hunger in your heart? In the process of your experience of salvation through God, while pursuing a change in your disposition, if you don’t understand His will or don’t know what the truth is, if you don’t understand God’s disposition, don’t you feel very uneasy? Don’t you feel a strong hunger and thirst in your heart? Don’t these feelings prevent you from feeling peace in your heart? So how can you make up for that hunger in your heart—is there a way to resolve it? Some people go shopping, some find their friends to confide in, some people sleep their fill…. Can these things resolve your actual difficulties? All of you fully understand these kinds of practices. When you feel powerless, when you feel a strong desire to gain enlightenment from God to allow you to know the reality of truth and His will, what do you need most? What you need isn’t a full meal, and it’s not a few kind words. More than that, it’s not the transient comfort and satisfaction of the flesh—what you need is for God to directly, clearly tell you what you should do and how you should do it, to clearly tell you what the truth is. After you’ve understood this, even if it’s just a tiny bit, don’t you feel more satisfied in your heart than if you had eaten a good meal? … Everything that God does is truth and life. The truth for mankind is something that they cannot lack in their lives, that they can never do without; you could also say that it’s the greatest thing. Although you can’t look at it or touch it, its importance to you cannot be ignored; it is the only thing that can bring peace to your heart” (“God’s Work, God’s Disposition, and God Himself III”).

    The Sermons and Fellowship on Entry Into Life says: “Now we have recognized that, if you have no truth, you won’t have the right outlook on life and the right road of life. And without the right road of life, you will live under Satan’s domain, and will always feel tired and painful, right? But if you live before God and live in accordance with the truth, God will transform you and rearrange your life, because God rules over everything and over the fate of all mankind. On the contrary, if you betray God and are willing to live under Satan’s domain, God will let you go. And you will be afflicted and tortured by Satan willfully, until you are devoured by it. Now that you know the true way, know the way of salvation, and if you can pursue the truth, God will bless you and open up a way out for you.”

    I couldn’t help sighing: These words are a mirror of my life. In the past, I believed that, without money, I couldn’t live even one day in the world, so I earned money at full stretch and became the slave of money, living in unbearable pain without any hope. It is God’s salvation that has allowed me to find true happiness, to understand that true happiness comes from God and that only God is my haven of happiness. God’s words are the reality of all the positive things; only by living according to God’s words can we live out the image of a true human. The material things bought with my hard-won money can only give me temporary fleshly enjoyments; they can’t bring me true life, nor can they make my heart satisfied. Even though I owned as much money as I could, without truth, I would still die from Satan’s trampling and affliction. It is God who has changed me and rearranged my life, stopping me from walking along the wrong way. I’m willing to proceed on the right road God has pointed out to me, to pursue the truth and go back to living as a normal person.

    Later, I saw brothers and sisters were preaching gospel, and also wanted to share with more people what I had gained from my experience. Because there were many models beside me who lived in pain like I used to do, I also wanted them to come before God, so that they could walk out of their pain earlier, and receive God’s care and protection. Afterward, I worked and cooperated with brothers and sisters to preach the gospel. My friends, seeing I was lighter-hearted and happier than before, also wanted to seek for the God I believed in. I happily testified about God’s work to them. Such a life was extremely meaningful and I was so secure and happy in my heart.

    In 2014, I went home to celebrate the Spring Festival. When I met my families again, I had so much to say to them again, and they all felt happy for me after listening to my experiences. And, I plucked up my courage to apologize to them. I shouldn’t have imposed my perspective of pursuit on my younger brother, which brought him depression and pain. I felt accused in my heart, now I just wanted to respect his choice and let God rule over his life. Besides, my father and my sister often were worried about me and phoned me, but I always felt annoyed with them, with the excuse that I was busy. I was sorry for having deeply hurt them and hoped they could forgive me. After my apology, they all said that I was changed because I knew to respect their opinions and decisions. My relationship with my mother was closer than before, and we kept nothing from each other. I regained the sense of happiness I had when I was little.

    Looking back, when I was busy in the world, my daily life was dull and empty, I struggled with difficulty and had no hope. Now God has brought me back to His house, allowing me to enjoy His love and receive true happiness. Just like God’s words saying, “He desires to seek, seek your heart and your spirit. He wants to bring you food and water and to awaken you, so you are no longer thirsty, no longer hungry. When you are weary and when you begin to feel the desolation of this world, do not be perplexed, do not cry. Almighty God, the Watcher, will embrace your arrival any time” (“The Sighing of the Almighty”). I’m willing to testify about God’s love to more people. But in China, it’s the atheistic government that takes power. They don’t allow us to preach and testify about God’s gospel; they persecute Christians with cruelty and drive believers in God to the wall, making them unable to return home, even putting some of them in prison and torturing them to death. So, at the beginning of 2015, I came to America, a country with freedom of religion, and threw myself into spreading and testifying about God’s work of the last days here. Despite the tiredness and hardships, yet I felt, as long as more people could accept God’s work and God’s salvation and could leave the sea of suffering like me, I would feel sweet and happy in my heart. As I have seen clearly that only by following God, pursuing to gain the truth, and walking the road God has prepared for us can we have the most meaningful life. All the glory be to Almighty God!

Source The Internet

    Almighty God, Christ of the last days, is the returned Lord Jesus. Eastern Lightning, The Church of Almighty God was founded by God personally and is formed by all those who truly follow Almighty God. Only by following Almighty God's work in the last days can we be purified and brought into the wonderful destination. Dear brothers and sisters, have you followed God's footsteps?